jinjukimm:

I’m sorry for being a bad daughter. 

But thank You for being a good dad. Always. 

Found myself in a very interesting position while driving today: right in the middle between clouds of rainstorms and clear skies/sunlight. Like right in the middle haha. I was driving towards the clear skies/sunlight with the rainstorms following right behind me. And for a second, I was thinking, “I might be able to avoid this rainstorm altogether.” Then few minutes later, I had to make a U-Turn to get to my house and then next thing you know…BAM, I’m driving right through the rainstorm haha. 

The fact about life is that there will be both sunshine and rainstorms. I wish it can always be ‘sunshine’ in my life…I’ve been living my faith out like that for the past few months, trying to avoid any suffering, hardship, discipleship, and difficulties. But you do need the storms as they come and go as suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope-hope for the clear skies and sunshine. It’s foolish to think that I can outrun a storm to chase after only the clear skies and sunshine. There’s no point in avoiding a storm esp when God intends something from it-He always does.  It’s better for you to go right through it and into it, not delay it, because we know that after every rainstorm, there’s growth. 

As of 6/12/2013, I am now officially 22 years old. Freaking two-two. Didn’t do anything special as usual. Wanted to go to the beach but everyone was busy haha. Celebrated it with family at night with a simple dinner and cake. And then just went bowling by myself cause I thought I should at least do something haha. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, appreciate the love. Special shout out to Sujin, Jisang, Tiff, and Joe Chung for surprising me with a cake at Buffalo Wild Wings the night before (first time in like 5 years someone did something like that for me besides family haha). And ultimate thanks to God for blessing me with another year.

21 was a rough year in my life. (Of course, there were also many good things that occurred, thanks to the people in my life!) But it was more marked by suffering and hardship than anything…a year I wish I can forget. I think back to exactly a year ago, 6/12/12, to now and things happened to me along the way to bring me where I am today (being put on academic probation after trying my best around this time last year, going through pharmacy rotations only cause I had, family issues, fall semester of 2012 being the worst semester ever, getting kicked out of pharmacy and looking like a fool to everyone, church becoming more and more of a burden, struggling with loneliness to an extreme, fights with parents from the aftermath of being kicked out of pharmacy, etc.) A year I wish I can just erase…and still struggling in the present no matter how much I try to move on. 

But I know that I just can’t simply forget this past year because later down the road from now, I know that I’ll be able to look back and realize that it was this moment, this exact moment, that God was with me the most in my sorrows, weariness, and heartbreak. I have faith that this past year of being broken and crushed is to pave way to something greater and glorious. 

But as of right now, I have nothing…I am nothing…I am just straight up broken. I feel like my life is pieces of something shattered. I can’t seem to get myself back together…I’ve been trying. But can’t seem to be ‘whole’ again. But the hope that I hold onto is knowing that God is the ultimate artist. If there’s anyone that can make something out of nothing, it’s Him. If there’s anyone who can mend and restore the shattered pieces into something whole and even more glorious, it’s Him. If there’s anyone who can make something beautiful out of me right now, it’s Him. And that’s my little seed of faith that I am just waiting for to grow in the midst of brokenness, suffering, and hardship from the past year and right now. And so I wait for Him to paint and sculpt me into something new. 

Prayer for the Upcoming Year: 1.) believe and know that Jesus is simply ENOUGH in all circumstances 2.) be able to DREAM again